Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Part-Time Sanity
I swear that's all I have the luxury of getting. Part-time sanity. Partially my fault, I understand this and I accept it.
Where to begin?
Tuesday. Tuesdays are soooo boring because nobody does anything on a Tuesday. So I kidnapped my friends Toad and Roo and headed out for an adventure. I stole their Mr. Lee's Chinese Restaurant Virginity and then I drug them to Jeffery's Antique Mall. There we got seperated since I frolicked off to go find vintage lingerie and I think they were looking at antique glasswear. Jeffery's put out their equivalent of last call at 5.50 pm. We met up outside and while we were deciding our next adventure, my Jeredizzle texted us with instructions to come rescue him from work.
We did and we made our way to the mall, blah blah blah blah now for the fun part.
We had time to kill. I had energy I needed to rid myself of. So we went to the reservoir.
We climbed those long stairs to the top, only to scramble down the rocks into the water. I sometimes forget that these girls were raised in Vegas and I was raised on a farm some six or seven miles away from anything at all.
I heard squeals, only to discover Toad found a crawdaddy. She had never seen one before. She was quite delighted. While she was snapping pictures of Jimmy the Crawdad, I made my way back to the top.
It was there I got an idea. A wonderfully brilliant, epically fun idea. We were going to go hill tumbling.
After much cajoling, I managed to talk the girls into. Jeremiah, being the beautifully intelligent man he is, wanted no part other than to laugh at us three hapless females.
Tumble we did. We flew down that hill, screaming with laughter. I haven't had that much fun in I don't remember how long. We were gasping for breath at the bottom, struggling not to puke. The whole time, still laughing.
After we were finally able to stand back up and see straight, we realized we were bleeding. From a thousand tiny cuts and scratches. The grass on the side of that big goddamn will was fucking crab grass. Dry crab grass.
It was okay for the most part, just hilarious, until I got home and took a bath. It stung like the consequences of poor decision making. And I was comfortable with that. Until I dried off. I don't know what possessed me to dry off like normal, but I started rubbing away at my arms.
AND IT FELT LIKE GOD WAS POURING HELLFIRE ON MY SKIN.
Lesson learned. Pat dry. Always pat dry.
Where to begin?
Tuesday. Tuesdays are soooo boring because nobody does anything on a Tuesday. So I kidnapped my friends Toad and Roo and headed out for an adventure. I stole their Mr. Lee's Chinese Restaurant Virginity and then I drug them to Jeffery's Antique Mall. There we got seperated since I frolicked off to go find vintage lingerie and I think they were looking at antique glasswear. Jeffery's put out their equivalent of last call at 5.50 pm. We met up outside and while we were deciding our next adventure, my Jeredizzle texted us with instructions to come rescue him from work.
We did and we made our way to the mall, blah blah blah blah now for the fun part.
We had time to kill. I had energy I needed to rid myself of. So we went to the reservoir.
We climbed those long stairs to the top, only to scramble down the rocks into the water. I sometimes forget that these girls were raised in Vegas and I was raised on a farm some six or seven miles away from anything at all.
I heard squeals, only to discover Toad found a crawdaddy. She had never seen one before. She was quite delighted. While she was snapping pictures of Jimmy the Crawdad, I made my way back to the top.
It was there I got an idea. A wonderfully brilliant, epically fun idea. We were going to go hill tumbling.
After much cajoling, I managed to talk the girls into. Jeremiah, being the beautifully intelligent man he is, wanted no part other than to laugh at us three hapless females.
Tumble we did. We flew down that hill, screaming with laughter. I haven't had that much fun in I don't remember how long. We were gasping for breath at the bottom, struggling not to puke. The whole time, still laughing.
After we were finally able to stand back up and see straight, we realized we were bleeding. From a thousand tiny cuts and scratches. The grass on the side of that big goddamn will was fucking crab grass. Dry crab grass.
It was okay for the most part, just hilarious, until I got home and took a bath. It stung like the consequences of poor decision making. And I was comfortable with that. Until I dried off. I don't know what possessed me to dry off like normal, but I started rubbing away at my arms.
AND IT FELT LIKE GOD WAS POURING HELLFIRE ON MY SKIN.
Lesson learned. Pat dry. Always pat dry.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Just Say NO
It's ten am here and the house is somewhat peaceful. The monsters are playing quietly in their room and the Big Idiot is slumbering still.
I'm laying on the couch trying to get motivated to finish my homework today. I think I'd rather eat asshole than do more fucking homework. And I have at least twenty more months of this essay writing bullshit.
So what's a FuckHead to do?
I think I'm going to go trounce the Big Idiot out of bed. I'm feeling squirrelly and I want
nuclear waste McDonald's breakfast.
I'm laying on the couch trying to get motivated to finish my homework today. I think I'd rather eat asshole than do more fucking homework. And I have at least twenty more months of this essay writing bullshit.
So what's a FuckHead to do?
I think I'm going to go trounce the Big Idiot out of bed. I'm feeling squirrelly and I want
nuclear waste McDonald's breakfast.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
There comes a time during the course of my day, that I find myself absolutely horrified to be at work. I don't know if it's because I work ten hour days or because I have a ridiculously tiny attention span, but it usually seems to dawn on me right around 5.30pm.
Any given day, between 5.30pm and 6.30pm you can find me having a small mental breakdown in my rollie chair. It is never the same. Today, for example, I found myself puffing away at my electronic cigarette in direct defiance of workplace law. As I spun in circles, entangling myself in my headset cord, waiting for a technician to answer his damn cell phone, one might have drawn the conclusion that I was fucking about. The very opposite was happening however. I am a woman of much energy and sitting that still and behaving myself for that long is nigh on impossible.
So after giving the fuckface technician the information he needed, I launched into a small diatribe against the I.T. guy at work for being, quite possibly, the most UN-NERDY I.T. guy in the history of EVER.
Get this - dude does NOT game... not table top, not console, nothing. He may play Halo every once in a while, but that's tantamount to saying "I eat week old cold pizza every once in a while." It's something you don't like to do, and you're a little embarrassed to say you DO do it on occasion. He also isn't a movie nerd... as in he only watches the "mainstream" movies. Kid has never seen Hackers. I thought that was part of your degree....
I then began to heckle him about his lack of nerdy fantasy. I have never, ever in my life met a man that would not be thrilled to date a gamer/comic book geek girl. I decided to pursue this further. TURNS OUT DUDE DOES NOT HAVE A FETISH FOR ASIAN WOMEN.
Excuse me, but what the fuck?! So let me get this straightened out here for just a goddamned minute.
Straight white male, from NorthWest Ohio (not exactly a mecca of cultral fucking diversity) who is a head I.T. for my company... does not dig Asian women, the Gold Bikini, gaming or comic books.
I say he's a fake.
Any given day, between 5.30pm and 6.30pm you can find me having a small mental breakdown in my rollie chair. It is never the same. Today, for example, I found myself puffing away at my electronic cigarette in direct defiance of workplace law. As I spun in circles, entangling myself in my headset cord, waiting for a technician to answer his damn cell phone, one might have drawn the conclusion that I was fucking about. The very opposite was happening however. I am a woman of much energy and sitting that still and behaving myself for that long is nigh on impossible.
So after giving the fuckface technician the information he needed, I launched into a small diatribe against the I.T. guy at work for being, quite possibly, the most UN-NERDY I.T. guy in the history of EVER.
Get this - dude does NOT game... not table top, not console, nothing. He may play Halo every once in a while, but that's tantamount to saying "I eat week old cold pizza every once in a while." It's something you don't like to do, and you're a little embarrassed to say you DO do it on occasion. He also isn't a movie nerd... as in he only watches the "mainstream" movies. Kid has never seen Hackers. I thought that was part of your degree....
I then began to heckle him about his lack of nerdy fantasy. I have never, ever in my life met a man that would not be thrilled to date a gamer/comic book geek girl. I decided to pursue this further. TURNS OUT DUDE DOES NOT HAVE A FETISH FOR ASIAN WOMEN.
Excuse me, but what the fuck?! So let me get this straightened out here for just a goddamned minute.
Straight white male, from NorthWest Ohio (not exactly a mecca of cultral fucking diversity) who is a head I.T. for my company... does not dig Asian women, the Gold Bikini, gaming or comic books.
I say he's a fake.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A Mediocre Day
Work is suck. Work is major suck.
You would think, that as an international communications company, they would be able to give oooooh, I don't know... at least 24 hours notice of when the system is going down for maintenance. NOOOO. Too fuckin easy! They wait until we're down, completely down to send out a blind copy blast facts : WARNING SYSTEM UNDERGOING MAINTENANCE! ETA OF SYSTEM BACK UP ROUGHLY 90 MINUTES.
And they wonder why people send them death threats.
Got a cool new toy in the mail today. Blu Cigs. It's an electronic cigarette. No tobacco, no nicotine. I didn't have a single cigarette while at work today. It tastes like spearmint! Nom nom nom. The girls at work think I have officially lost what little remaining sanity I had left, watching me sit at the picnic table with my bright blue, green and purple hair, puffing happily away at my not-cigarette.
Meh. A day in the life...
Um... picture of me and boyfran!
You would think, that as an international communications company, they would be able to give oooooh, I don't know... at least 24 hours notice of when the system is going down for maintenance. NOOOO. Too fuckin easy! They wait until we're down, completely down to send out a blind copy blast facts : WARNING SYSTEM UNDERGOING MAINTENANCE! ETA OF SYSTEM BACK UP ROUGHLY 90 MINUTES.
And they wonder why people send them death threats.
Got a cool new toy in the mail today. Blu Cigs. It's an electronic cigarette. No tobacco, no nicotine. I didn't have a single cigarette while at work today. It tastes like spearmint! Nom nom nom. The girls at work think I have officially lost what little remaining sanity I had left, watching me sit at the picnic table with my bright blue, green and purple hair, puffing happily away at my not-cigarette.
Meh. A day in the life...
Um... picture of me and boyfran!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Can I Get an Intro From the Maestro Please?!
So I suppose the easiest introduction would be the picture up there.
That's me, Queen FuckHead. I'm gonna make millions with that smirk some day.
About me.... I'm the mommy of two adorable monsters. I have the best idiot boyfriend I could ever ask for. I have an incredibly stupid ex-husband. I work a shitty job. But I love my life. Boyfran and I are buying a house... we sign the papers in two weeks. I'm in school and I've not been expelled yet.
I'm toying with the idea of trying out for SG.
My life is a three-ring circus. A dear friend of mine told me to write a book. So I'm gonna start putting it down here.
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